Happy Birthday to... Me, I Guess

Ever have one of those days where you're trying to diet, trying to really eat well and then suddenly, you remember you have favorite Aunt Sylvia's 100th birthday party that night and it's being catered by Martha Stewart herself? That's how I felt today.


I was having a fun time with my son until I got an e-mail from a friend in the evening. It's my ex-husband's birthday and he was wishing him well. I had forgotten. It felt like the shock of cold water.


It's been about five weeks since I saw my ex-husband. He was out in the garage gathering his belongings, waiting for a friend to pick him up. He said, "Take care of the children. This is the last time you'll ever see me." I didn't say anything, I just stood there and thought about what he said. I didn't say goodbye. I didn't ask where he was going next. I didn't ask if he was going to call us. I didn't say anything. He stepped outside and told me to close the garage door behind him. As it closed, I thought to myself - this is it - this is the beginning of a new life. I was excited and devastated all in the same heartbeat. Is that even possible?


My friend called me inside and I sat with her on the couch. She had come to support me and protect me even though she could never stand a chance against him. Nevertheless, it's something about strength in numbers, strength in what's right. We both stared at the television, not really watching it. It had been a long day. Lots of arguing, lots of screaming, cursing, and tears. It was over now. I didn't have to worry about going through that with him again.  My children were watching their own show in the playroom, oblivious as to what just transpired - and rightfully so. They shouldn't have to endure things like that. They deserve to go through a lifetime without knowing their parents' sorrow.


As I finished reading the e-mail, I thought, how ironic that it was his birthday and I had gone out and bought a new television set for myself. Well, he did smash my beloved 51" television last year at about this time, so happy birthday to.. me, I guess.